Time for a joke...

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dcsnomo

Moderator
Old man Frank goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?"

Frank says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them."

The banker says, "You better call the veterinarian." Frank agrees.

A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?"

Frank says, "Plenty darn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbors' cows."

The banker says, "Wow! What did the Vet give him?"

Frank says, "He gave him some pills."

The banker says, "What kind of pills?"

Frank says, "I don't know, but they tasted sort of like peppermint."
 
Admin

Admin

Administrator
Staff member
Funny!

I laughed out loud on that one. Just not sure if that is a good sign or not! :eek:

-John
 
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scott_b

Member
Sven and Ollie were driving home from work when they passed a sign "Lobster tail & beer $12.50" Sven slams on the brakes and starts turning around, Ollie says I wer hopin you wud stop, tose are my 3 favorite things!
 
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lenny

Guest
:D he,,,he he,,,,he he,,he he said tail

scott_b said:
Sven and Ollie were driving home from work when they passed a sign "Lobster tail & beer $12.50" Sven slams on the brakes and starts turning around, Ollie says I wer hopin you wud stop, tose are my 3 favorite things!
Click to expand...
 
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switch07

Member
Olga and Ollie were married fifty years and Ollie took Olga back to the bed and breakfast that they had honeymooned at so many years ago. During a romantic dinner in their room, Olga asked Ollie if they could get naked like they did fifty years ago. Ollie said sure we can, and they both undressed and continued eating. Olga said to Ollie, "Oh Ollie is my body as beautiful as it was fifty years ago?" Ollie replied, "yes dear your body is very beautiful". Olga then replied "Ollie are my breasts as hot as they were fifty years ago?" Ollie exclaimed "well they ought to be, they're hanging in your soup!!!"
 
LoveMyDobe

LoveMyDobe

Active member
Olga and Leena were picking potatoes. Leena had 2 in hand and said" Oh they remind me of my Ollie"
Olga said" Are they that BIG?"
Leena replied " No, they are that dirty!"
 
J

joks79

Member
switch07 said:
Olga and Ollie were married fifty years and Ollie took Olga back to the bed and breakfast that they had honeymooned at so many years ago. During a romantic dinner in their room, Olga asked Ollie if they could get naked like they did fifty years ago. Ollie said sure we can, and they both undressed and continued eating. Olga said to Ollie, "Oh Ollie is my body as beautiful as it was fifty years ago?" Ollie replied, "yes dear your body is very beautiful". Olga then replied "Ollie are my breasts as hot as they were fifty years ago?" Ollie exclaimed "well they ought to be, they're hanging in your soup!!!"
Click to expand...


Now that is funny!
 
M

mjkaliszak

New member
dcsnomo said:
Old man Frank goes and gets a loan from the bank to buy a high priced bull. A few days later, the banker comes along and asks, "How's our bull doing?"

Frank says, "Our bull ain't doing too good. I got him out there in the pasture with a bunch of young cows and he don't want nothing to do with them."

The banker says, "You better call the veterinarian." Frank agrees.

A couple of days later, the banker comes along again and says, "How's our bull doing now?"

Frank says, "Plenty darn good. He has done serviced all of my cows, jumped the fence, and is working on the neighbors' cows."

The banker says, "Wow! What did the Vet give him?"

Frank says, "He gave him some pills."

The banker says, "What kind of pills?"

Frank says, "I don't know, but they tasted sort of like peppermint."
Click to expand...



Too Funny... Do those peppermint ones give you a headache ? =:)
 
B

brooks

New member
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
He figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party
 
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polarisrider1

New member
brooks said:
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
He figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party
Click to expand...
Oh my gosh!
 
D

dcsnomo

Moderator
brooks said:
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a terrible passion for baked beans. He loved them, but they always had an embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, she'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this, so he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on his birthday and on the way home from work, his car broke down.
Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk home. On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk
He figured he could walk off any ill affects before he got home.
It was, after all, his birthday. So he went in and ordered, and before leaving had 3 extra large helpings of baked beans.

All the way home he putt-putted. By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!" She put a blindfold on him, and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peak. At this point he was beginning to feel another one coming on. Just as his wife was
about to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned, and away she went to answer the phone. While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. He raised his leg and RRIIPPP !!! It sounded like a diesel
engine revving, and smelled worse. To keep from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate. He got another urge. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead.

With his blindfold still on, when he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table. After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled, "SURPRISE!!!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party
Click to expand...

Like this classic:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4DrKwPBM7g
 
S

Sweep800

Active member
At a wedding party recently someone yelled,"All the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living."

The bartender was crushed to death
 
S

Sweep800

Active member
DAMN FINE EXPLANATION

The wife came home early and found her husband in their
bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman, and
she was somewhat upset.


"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do
this to me--a faithful wife, the mother of your children!
I'm leaving you. I want a divorce right away!"

And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute, love, so at
least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words
you'll say to me!"



And the husband began-- "Well, I was getting into the car to
drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift.
She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity
on her and let her into the car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very
dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the
enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't
eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor
thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and
while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty
and full of holes, so I threw them away...

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans
that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because
you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary
present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.


I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas
that you don't wear just to annoy her, and I also donated
those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't
wear because someone at work has the same pair."
The husband took a quick breath and continued, "She was so
grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her
to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and
said, "'Please...do you have anything else that your wife
doesn't use?'"

=
 
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