Joke of the day

polarisrider1

New member
During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLansing" When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one Capital."

(Keep it clean and non offensive)
 

mezz

Well-known member
Norwegian Virgin

Olaf Swensen was out in his pasture in Northern Minnesota when he took a lightning quick kick from a cow right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance Lena is still a Virgin in every vay."

The doctor said, "Olaf, I'll have to put your villy in a splint to let it heal & keep it straight. It should be okay next veek, but, leave it on dere as long as you can."
The doctor proceded to take four tounge depressors & formed a neat little 4 sided splint & taped it all together. Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, 1 week later married her & went on their honeymoon in Duluth.

That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched ------s. She said, "Olaf, you're da first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez!" Olaf immediately dropped his trousers & replied: "Look at dis Lena....still in Da Crate!!!" :eek:-Mezz
 

skiroule

Well-known member
Gotta go with Rodney Dangerfield on this one. It's old but it still makes me laugh.

Rodney is at the doctor's office for a checkup.

Rodney: "Doc, what do you think?"
Doc: "Well, you're fat."
Rodney: "Fat! I'd like a second opinion."
Doc: "OK. You're ugly too."
 

Skidooski

New member
Norwegian Virgin

Olaf Swensen was out in his pasture in Northern Minnesota when he took a lightning quick kick from a cow right in his crotch. Writhing in agony, he fell to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. "How bad is it Doc? I'm going on my honeymoon next veek and my fiance Lena is still a Virgin in every vay."

The doctor said, "Olaf, I'll have to put your villy in a splint to let it heal & keep it straight. It should be okay next veek, but, leave it on dere as long as you can."
The doctor proceded to take four tounge depressors & formed a neat little 4 sided splint & taped it all together. Olaf mentioned none of this to Lena, 1 week later married her & went on their honeymoon in Duluth.

That night in the Motel 6, Lena ripped open her blouse to reveal her beautiful untouched ------s. She said, "Olaf, you're da first vun! No vun has EVER seen deez!" Olaf immediately dropped his trousers & replied: "Look at dis Lena....still in Da Crate!!!" :eek:-Mezz


Nerver heard that von. LMAO
 

eao

Active member
The Italian secret to a long marriage

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husbands' marriage seminars.
At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?' Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."
 

eagle1

Well-known member
A Man Says To His Wife : What Would You Do If I Won The Lottery

Wife Replies : I Would Take Half And Leave Your Sorry ***

Husband Replies : Well Then Good ..... I Just Won 12.00 And Here Is 6.00 Now beat it !! :D
 

polarisrider1

New member
Joey was in Starbuck's recently when he realized he desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud so he timed his farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs he started to feel better. He finished his coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at him, and suddenly he remembered........that he was listening to his IPod.
 

eao

Active member
A man walks out to the street and catches a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says,
"Perfect timing, you're just like Frank"

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: "Frank Feldman.. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time."

Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody"

Cabbie: "Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy"

Passenger: "Sounds like he was something really special"

Cabbie: 'There's more. He had a memory like a computer. He remembered everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, could do everything right.'

Passenger: 'Wow, some guy then.'

Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake, and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too. He was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well... I never actually met him........... Frank died and I married his wife.'
 

fish633

New member
A woman from Madison Wi,Democrat ,Environmentalist and anti-motorized Recreationalist bought some property in Hurley Wi.Impressed by it's beauty she decided to climb to the top of the largest tree on the land.While climbing she was attacked by a spotted owl forcing her to slide down the tree. Receiving numerous splinters in her crotch.Screaming in pain she heads over to the hospital E.R. and explains to the doctor she is from Madison,an environmentalist and anti off road and how she came to get splinters in her crotch.The doctor asked her to go have a seat in the waiting room and someone would be with her shortly.
Three hours go by and the doctor finally returns.By now the woman is hopping mad and asks the doc what took so long.The doc smiled and said"Well I had to get permits from the forest service,bureau of land management and epa before I could remove old growth forest from a recreational area so close to a waste treatment facility.unfortunately Obama-care has turned you down.
 

polarisrider1

New member
A woman from Madison Wi,Democrat ,Environmentalist and anti-motorized Recreationalist bought some property in Hurley Wi.Impressed by it's beauty she decided to climb to the top of the largest tree on the land.While climbing she was attacked by a spotted owl forcing her to slide down the tree. Receiving numerous splinters in her crotch.Screaming in pain she heads over to the hospital E.R. and explains to the doctor she is from Madison,an environmentalist and anti off road and how she came to get splinters in her crotch.The doctor asked her to go have a seat in the waiting room and someone would be with her shortly.
Three hours go by and the doctor finally returns.By now the woman is hopping mad and asks the doc what took so long.The doc smiled and said"Well I had to get permits from the forest service,bureau of land management and epa before I could remove old growth forest from a recreational area so close to a waste treatment facility.unfortunately Obama-care has turned you down.

Love it!
 

switch07

Member
LMAO.........Sorry to admit but a similar thing happened to me, but my wife elbowed me first before I did too much damage.............

Joey was in Starbuck's recently when he realized he desperately needed to fart. The music was really loud so he timed his farts with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs he started to feel better. He finished his coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at him, and suddenly he remembered........that he was listening to his IPod.
 

fish633

New member
A good friend "Earl" gets a call from a riding buddy says Hurley just got dumped on and the crew is heading up to the cabin in the morning.Earl get all excited he just bought a new sled and this is it's first time out.So Earl wastes no time getting his gear packed and ready to leave the next day.Just as he is loading his last duffle bag the wife comes home and asks what are you doing.Earl replies that Hurley got dumped on and the crew is heading north in the morning.That's when Mrs.Earl reminds him that this weekend is their 10th wedding anniversary and she has made special plans.Right away Earls excitement fades and he realizes there no peace in the world of Earl if Mrs. aint happy.So reluctantly Earl call's the crew and explains the anniversary and all that stuff,the crew wishes him well and hangs up.Just then Mrs.Earl steps through the bedroom door dressed in her wildest unmentionables and gestures Earl to come to the room.When Earl passes through the door he see's the room lit with candle's,rose petals spread across the floor and restraint's tied to the bed.Mrs.Earl then explains that tonight is going to be the best night of his life and to do whatever he wants.
The next morning the crew arrives at the cabin Earl is already there.His friends are wondering what the heck we thought you couldn't make it.Earl then explains the anniversary the candles and the restraints.and says"once I tied her up she said do what ever you want....So here I am.
 

catalac

Active member
A good friend "Earl" gets a call from a riding buddy says Hurley just got dumped on and the crew is heading up to the cabin in the morning.Earl get all excited he just bought a new sled and this is it's first time out.So Earl wastes no time getting his gear packed and ready to leave the next day.Just as he is loading his last duffle bag the wife comes home and asks what are you doing.Earl replies that Hurley got dumped on and the crew is heading north in the morning.That's when Mrs.Earl reminds him that this weekend is their 10th wedding anniversary and she has made special plans.Right away Earls excitement fades and he realizes there no peace in the world of Earl if Mrs. aint happy.So reluctantly Earl call's the crew and explains the anniversary and all that stuff,the crew wishes him well and hangs up.Just then Mrs.Earl steps through the bedroom door dressed in her wildest unmentionables and gestures Earl to come to the room.When Earl passes through the door he see's the room lit with candle's,rose petals spread across the floor and restraint's tied to the bed.Mrs.Earl then explains that tonight is going to be the best night of his life and to do whatever he wants.
The next morning the crew arrives at the cabin Earl is already there.His friends are wondering what the heck we thought you couldn't make it.Earl then explains the anniversary the candles and the restraints.and says"once I tied her up she said do what ever you want....So here I am.

Thats a good'n!!
 

duluthrider

New member
In church, while reverently preparing for the service, I heard a sweet little old lady,
sitting next to me in the pew, quietly whispering a prayer. It was so sweet and sincere
that I just had to share it with you. ;-)

She said, "Dear Lord, this has been a tough two or three years ...You have taken my
favorite actor Patrick Swayze, my favorite musician Michael Jackson, my favorite
salesman Billy Mays, my favorite actress Elizabeth Taylor, my favorite singer
Whitney Houston, and, now, my favorite announcer **** Clark.

I just wanted you to know that my favorite politician is Barack Obama. Amen."
 
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