HardwaterHoosier
Member
Two large antennas met on top of a large skyscraper. They fell in love and decided to get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
Joke of the day
- Thread starter polarisrider1
- Start date
A young medical student, who had been out at a party until 5 a.m. was trying to answer questions on a written exam. About all he could do was see the paper. To the question "give five reasons why mother's milk is better for babies than cow's mil." He thought and thought, and finally put down the following:
1. It is cleaner.
2. It is fresher.
3. There is no danger of flies getting into it.
4. It is easier to take on a picnic.
Here he stopped for a while, and finally wrote frantically. This is what the professor found the next day.
5. it comes in such cute containers!
1. It is cleaner.
2. It is fresher.
3. There is no danger of flies getting into it.
4. It is easier to take on a picnic.
Here he stopped for a while, and finally wrote frantically. This is what the professor found the next day.
5. it comes in such cute containers!
I know it's only preseason....but good gawd!! I thought this was the NFL. Packers have a lot of work to do
The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment:
Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories... There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and
pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that
only Ernie was left.
'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in
Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a
survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and
then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She
shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed
four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the
last Iraqi with her bare hands.'
'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you
was the moral to this horrible story?
'Stay the heck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'
<!-- / message -->
Get their Parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.
The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their
stories... There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and
pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that
only Ernie was left.
'Ernie, do you have a story to share?'
'Yes ma'am. My daddy told a story about my Aunt Karen. She was a pilot in
Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy
territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a
survival knife.
She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and
then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She
shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed
four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the
last Iraqi with her bare hands.'
'Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your daddy tell you
was the moral to this horrible story?
'Stay the heck away from Aunt Karen when she's been drinking.'
<!-- / message -->
Go Fast or Go Home
Active member
Boy from Lower Alabama speeding down the Interstate.
State Trooper pulls him over and says-You got any I.D.
Boy from Alabama says-About what.
State Trooper pulls him over and says-You got any I.D.
Boy from Alabama says-About what.
polarisrider1
New member
lol, wifes grandma would say that!
Ole and Sven are walking down a street in Minocqua, WI, when they see a sign on a store that reads, Suits $5 each, shirts $2 each and trousers $2.50 per pair.
Ole says to his pal, “Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take 'em back ta Dulute, sell 'em to our friends, n make a fortune. Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do da talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we're ignrant n try to cheat us. No way dey'll know we're from Minnesota .”
They go in and Ole says with his best Wisconsin accent, “I'll take 50 of those suits at $5 each, 100 of those shirts at $2 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and load them up.”
The owner of the shop interrupts, “You're from Minnesota , ain't you?”
“Vell...yeah,” says a surprised Ole, “How'd ya know dat?”
Because this is a dry cleaners.
Ole says to his pal, “Looky here! We could buy a whole gob of dese, take 'em back ta Dulute, sell 'em to our friends, n make a fortune. Now when we go in der, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do da talkin cuz if dey hear yur accent, dey might tink we're ignrant n try to cheat us. No way dey'll know we're from Minnesota .”
They go in and Ole says with his best Wisconsin accent, “I'll take 50 of those suits at $5 each, 100 of those shirts at $2 each and 50 pairs of trousers at $2.50 each. I'll back up my pickup and load them up.”
The owner of the shop interrupts, “You're from Minnesota , ain't you?”
“Vell...yeah,” says a surprised Ole, “How'd ya know dat?”
Because this is a dry cleaners.
eagle1
Well-known member
What Starts with F and ends with K
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms... Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms.. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong
A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms... Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.
While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms.. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.
Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions..'
The principal and Harry both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs..'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms.. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong
snowdance
Member
Oooh, now that's harsh!!!!!
You're right it was. Shouldn't point fingers...I'll amend it to Da Bears!
L
lenny
Guest
that's a good one!
polarisrider1
New member
My wife was screaming at me: "Leave! Get out of this house!" she ordered. As I was walking out the door she yelled, "I hope you die a slow and painful death!" So I turned around and said, "So now you want me to stay?"
mezz
Well-known member
What Causes Arthritis??
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick & a half empty bottle of Gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper & began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest & asked, " Say, Father, what causes Arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, centempt for your fellow man, sleeping with prostitutes & lack of a bath!"
The drunk mutterd in response, "Well, I'll be damned" & returned to reading his paper.
The priest thinking about what he had said, nudged the man & apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong, how long have you had arthriitis?"
The drunk aswered, "I don't have it Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does."-Mezz
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick & a half empty bottle of Gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper & began reading.
After a few minutes the man turned to the priest & asked, " Say, Father, what causes Arthritis?"
The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, centempt for your fellow man, sleeping with prostitutes & lack of a bath!"
The drunk mutterd in response, "Well, I'll be damned" & returned to reading his paper.
The priest thinking about what he had said, nudged the man & apologized. "I'm very sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong, how long have you had arthriitis?"
The drunk aswered, "I don't have it Father, I was just reading here that the Pope does."
-Mezz