Joke of the day

F

fish633

New member
maid wants a raise,so after discussing this with the wife she dcides to ask the maid why she thinks she should get a raise.

wife: So maria why do think you deserve a raise?
Marie;Because I cooks so much better than you.
wife:Who says that?
maria:joor husband senora
wife:Ok,what else
maria:I cleans so much better than you.
wife:and who said you clean so much better than me?
Maria:joor husband senora.
wife: oh really! What else
Maria:I vacuum so much better than you
wife:who told you that?
Maria:It was joor husband senora
wife;he did huh!
Maria:yes senora,and I am much better in the bed than you.
Wife;I suppose my husband told you that also.
Maria:no senora the pool boy did.
wife: how much do you want.
 
SledTL

SledTL

Active member
So I was driving home in my truck the other day with a bunch of deer in the back when the game warden pulls me over.
Says son let me see the tags for these deer. He sticks his thumb in the anus of the deer and tastes his thumb before he says, this is a Japanese deer do you have tags for that? I reply with yes, here they are because I was stationed in Okinawa for a few years.
Next deer he sticks his thumb up again, and he asks is this a Florida deer? I reply with yes because I have a second home down in Florida.
Third deer he sticks his thumb up the rear again and says oh, this is a Arizona deer. Once again I pull out the tags to show him.
At last he says I've never met a man that has hunted so many different types of deer, where are you from.
I turned around and said, you tell me....
 
P

polarisrider1

New member
The Senate is investigating deceptive sweepstakes practices. These companies target the elderly and make them think they will receive a bunch of money, but in reality they never see any of it. The most popular of these scams is called Social security.
 
M

mebearman

New member
Another funny one for you

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl."

The priest asks, "Is that you, little Joey Pagano?"
...

"Yes, Father, it is."

"And who was the girl you were with?"

"I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation."

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?"

"I cannot say."

"Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?"

"I'll never tell."

"Was it Nina Capelli?"

"I'm sorry, but I cannot name her."

"Was it Cathy Piriano?"

"My lips are sealed."

"Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?"

"Please, Father! I cannot tell you."

The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself."

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"

"Four months vacation and five good leads..."
 
H

highhertel

Member
Breaking News: GM runs out of vehicles to recall, will begin to recall random Fords next.


Phil Cianciola ‏@cianciola 2m

#philcast #whby

HH
 
mezz

mezz

Well-known member
The Deaf Italian Bookkeeper: A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper Guido has cheated him out of 10 million dollars. His bookkeeper is deaf, that was the reason he got the job in the first place as it was assumed that Guido would hear nothing & would therefore never have to testify in court. When the Godfather confronts Guido about the missing 10 million he takes his lawyer with him who knows sign language. The Godfather tells the lawyer to ask Guido where the money is, the lawyer using sign language asks Guido "Where is the money?" Guido signs back, "I don't know what you are talking about". The lawyer tells the Godfather he doesn't know what you are talking about. The Godfather pulls out a pistol & puts it to Guido's head & tells the lawyer to "ask him again or I'll kill him!" The lawyer signs Guido "He'll kill you if you don't tell him". Guido trembles & signs back, "OK, you win! The money is in a brown briefcase buried behind the shed at my cousin Bruno's house". The Godfather asks the lawyer "What did he say?" The lawyer replies, "He say's you don't have the balls to pull the trigger!"........Don't you just love lawyers?-Mezz
 
J

just_ride

Member
old man puts on his coat and says, "I'm going to get me some of that Viagra Stuff.
old lady starts putting on her coat, and old man ask "where are you going?"
Old lady says " I'm going to get a tetanus shot, if you are going get out that old rusty thing.
 
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