Joke of the day

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jr37

Well-known member
New Redneck Pick-up Line

A "Good Ol Boy" is standing at the bar when a beautiful woman walks up to him. He leans over and says, "You remind me of my little toe."
She says, "You mean small and cute."
And he replies, "No, I'm probably going to bang you on the coffee table later when I'm drunk."
 
H

hothyfax

New member
How do eskimos make babies? They rub there noses together until a little snot comes out! Heres your sign..........................think snow
 
P

pitt

New member
Man of the house

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on , I want you to know that I am the man of this house and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax and when I'm finished with my bath guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The f***ing funeral director would be my guess."
 
eagle1

eagle1

Well-known member
^^^^ha, ha that was pretty good.

Seen this one the other day. Lol
 

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F

frnash

Active member
Plumber's T-Shirt!

Plumbers%20T-shirt.jpg


Funny t'ing, I know a number of folks for whom a t-shirt like this would be the perfect Christmas gift!
'Tis just too bad I couldn't find one to buy; I guess it will have to remain a "virtual" Christmas gift.;)
 
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gary_in_neenah

gary_in_neenah

Super Moderator
Staff member
You gotta be from Wisconsin to get this one.

The year is 2024 and the United States has just elected the first woman as President of the United States.


A few days after the election, the president-elect calls her
father in Milwaukee and asks, "So, Dad, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?


"I don't think so. It's a long drive; your mom isn't as young as she used to be, we'll have the dog with us, and my arthritis is acting up in my knee."

"Don't worry about it, Dad, I'll send Air Force One or another support aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you up at your door," she said.

"I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?"
"Oh, Dad," she replied, "I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown custom-made by one of the best designers in New York ."

"Honey," Dad complained, "You know we can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat."

The President-elect responded, "Don't worry, Dad. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in D.C. I'll ensure your meals are salt-free. Dad, I really want you to come."

So her parents reluctantly agreed, and on January 20, 2024 arrived to see their daughter sworn in as President of the United States.

The parents of the new President are seated in the front row.
The President's dad sees that a Senator is sitting next to him and leans over and whispers, "You see that woman up there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?"
The Senator whispered in reply, "Yes, sir, I sure do."
Dad says proudly, "Her brother played football for the Packers".
 
C

chevyman

New member
My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
"I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you
to pay me a compliment.'

I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."

And then the fight started........
 
M

m8man

Moderator
I've recently re-read the ton of Chuck Norris jokes and boy have I been laughing.

- Chuck Norris counted to infinity TWICE

- When the bogey man goes to bed, he checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.

m8man
 
D

Deleted member 10829

Guest
After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I were going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, ´Screw it, I’ll soldier on!
 
garyl62

garyl62

Active member
from Larry the Cable Guy:

Man I have a terrible day yesterday, I saw my parents having sex.... I swear, that's the last time I'm going to that web site
 
J

jebjk1

Member
Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill.
One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising".
Paddy couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Paddy puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital..
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is.. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily Paddy puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Paddy is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."


"No", says the nurse, "Some idiot put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.
 
E

eao

Active member
This is a story of self control and marksmanship by a brave, cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce predator. What is the smallest caliber that you would trust to protect yourself?

A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.

Here is her story:

While out walking along the edge of a bayou just below Houma, Louisiana, with my soon to be ex-husband, discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we were surprised by a huge 12-ft. alligator suddenly emerging from the murky water and charging us with its large jaws wide open. She must have been protecting her nest because she was extremely aggressive. If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me I would not be here today! Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it took. The gator got him easily and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace. It's one of the best pistols in my collection! Plus ... the amount I saved in lawyer's fees was more than worth the purchase price of the gun.
 
D

doofan1

Member
Dance Hall

Went to the Dance Hall last night

When the DJ played Jump I jumped

When the DJ played The Twist I did the Twist

When the DJ played Come on Eileen I got kicked out for that one
 
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